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nekessla
11 May 2010 @ 04:13 pm
This is one time when being right sucks ass. Thank god I can rant about this here since my facebook friends aren't on livejournal. I found out that my friend Kris, who goes to college with my other friend Andrea, wants to ask Andrea out. I kinda could tell that he liked her, but I'm not sure how she feels about him. I'd like to help, but I don't wanna say anything to her for fear that I would just blow it by exposing the whole thing and help ruin the friendship they have. I'm not very good at being subtle and I know it. I feel bad for him because I know he cares about her, but I don't think she feels the same. She never really had that much of an interest in guys. Plus, I'm not sure if she'd wanna run the risk of ruining the friendship by dating him. She got lucky that she could remain friends with Dan after they broke up. How she managed to do that after the shitty way she broke up with him, I got no idea. I have no idea what to do. I hate being stuck in the middle since they're both my friends. Grr... On a worse note, tomorrow is going going to blow fucking monkeyballs. I will hopefully find someone to spend the afternoon with. I know I shouldn't be alone tomorrow or I will cry all fucking afternoon. Dammit, now I feel like crying. The depression starts. Oh fuck. *sigh*
 
 
Current Location: The basement
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: I Should Tell You - Rent
 
 
nekessla
28 June 2008 @ 11:27 am
Well, I think I just ruined a friendship, possibly. I finally broke down and told Tom that I still like him and until he figures it out, to leave me out of it. That's a long story that I don't feel like going into. Anyway, I feel better that I finally told him, but I know I'm probably gonna get hurt by him again in the end. Maybe then I finally get over him. Who knows? I'll have to see how this plays out.
 
 
Current Location: My comfy computer chair
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: "Always Getting Over You" by Angela Ammons
 
 
nekessla
03 June 2008 @ 03:42 pm
It compeletly sucks ass to have your dog put to sleep. Just thought the universe should know.
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Current Location: My room
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: Far Away by Nickelback
 
 
nekessla
26 October 2007 @ 03:11 pm
Well, I haven't been doing much on here and I kinda need to vent a little. I'm in a relatively decent mood considering that my mom has three stitches in her hand because my puppy decided to take a chunk out of my mom's hand over an empty bowl that she had finishe dlicking out. So, needless to say, I got the sh*t scared out of me when my dad yelled up the stairs for me and told me what my puppy had done. I was so ticked last night. Luckily, my mom is okay and she just has a few stitches. Plus, my friend Tom is still being an idiot, but that's nothing new. I don't even feel like commenting on what he told me, it's just that he needs to stop with the whole "player" attitude because I think that's what gets him in trouble with girls. He's a sweetheart, but, well, it's complicated. Oh well, there isn't anything I can do about it. Anyway, I love my new layout. It was made by janine42584. Sylar.......drool...I so do not have a life.
 
 
Current Location: My bed
Current Mood: okayokay
Current Music: "Without Love" - Hairspray Cast
 
 
nekessla
10 August 2007 @ 10:20 pm
Right now, I’m not quite sure of anything anymore. I’m surrounded by people and yet, I feel so alone. My family’s been great, but right now, it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. And when I see my friends, I feel like they have to force themselves to talk to me and to even bother to spend time with me. Like my one friend, he asked me if I was mad at him because he didn’t hang out with me when we were supposed to. My thoughts were sort of along the lines of "I don’t even know why you’re mentioning it cause there’s no point cause I feel like you’re forcing yourself to speak to me and you can’t even force yourself to spend time with me." It’s sad because ever since I got home tonight, all I did was cry off and on. I’m watching comedies to try and make me laugh and hopefully express some kind of emotion, but it isn’t working. Now Im sitting here on my bed and as I’m writing this, I’m crying again. Well, if any my friends read this, I’m sorry if I made you feel bad, but I just feel this way and I just don’t know how to make them go away.
 
 
Current Location: My bed
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
Current Music: "My Immortal" by Evanescence
 
 
 
nekessla
Where can I begin to start? I feel as though my life has been in chaos for the last five months and I don't understand how I've gotten to this point. Here are a few topics as to why my life is in chaos.

Subject #1: Tom
It began in March, around a former friends birthday. Her ex-boyfriend, Tom, who has been my good friend for about 2 years now, told me he loved me through a text message on the night of her birthday party. For about a month after that, he flirted with me and told me he loved me again and again, also through text messages by the way, and also told that he wanted to sleep with me. It was very strange. And I hate to admit still, I fell for him. I know, that was really f*ckin stupid of me. Well, we continued this little dance for about a month and a half, and then, on the night of the first anniversary of my grandmother's death, he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship and stuff like that. He told that he didn't care anymore. I told him that all I did was care about him, but I guess that wasn't good enough for him. I still can't believe that he told me this, but he said it wasn't, not anymore. I was crushed. I don't know what happened, but I know someone had to have said something to him. I think it was his ex-girlfriend, Monica. At the time, we were fighting. She's speaking to me now,m but I'll get to that later. Anyway, it was hard to be around him and it still is. The sad part is that I still like Tom very much. I must be out of my mind to still like him after all of this. When he texted me, he'd always say "Hey, wats up hon" and stuff like that. It made me happy that someone liked me for a change. After that, he texted me and he told me that he was trying to change for me and stuff like that because I was a good person to be around. I'm not sure if I can believe anything he tells me anymore. Then after that, he called me "hon" again in one of his text messages. I just don't know what to believe when it comes to Tom anymore. And then, when he showed up at my open house party with his mom, he gives me flowers, though I'm not sure if they were his idea or his mom's. Hopefully, they were his.

Edit: I just found out about 3 hours ago that it was more thsn likely Monica who is the one who screwed up potentional relationship with Tom, which really pisses me off. I heard it from my union steward down at work, Dawn. She told me that she heard about it from Monica. THe only real question is now is did somebody tell her, like possibly Ashley, who knew about the whole thing, but I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and believing that she didn't spill the beans, or it was pretty obvious from the way me and Tom were acting towards each other. And from what Dawn said, it was kinda obvious how we felt about one another.

Subject #2:Monica.
She is my ex-friend turned acquaintence, plus she's the ex-girlfriend of my friend/semi-love interest Tom. The whole reason we fought was because she told me that her goal for the summer was to sleep with Tom. She told me this straight faced and I honestly thought she was serious. She never told me that it was a secret or anything like that. I know she has slept with guys and I know she has not used protection. I've been through 2 pregnancy scares with this girl and that is not a good sign to me. I know one of the guys that she has been with is a man-whore and everyone knows it. Due to that and not knowing how many guys she has been with, I told Tom. And him, being the dumbass that he can be, spilled the beans to Monica. And she calls me up and bitches me out on the phone and says she's gonna kick my ass and that I'm lucky Heather was there to hold her back. As far as I'm concerned, I was within my discretion to inform one of my friends that they were gonna be used. I didn't want to see anyone get hurt. Monica told me that it was a joke. When she told me this, there was no indication that it was a joke whatsoever. I'm sorry, but I don't think it's right to joke about something like that, using someone is wrong on so many levels. Everyone had been telling to get away from her for months because she was dragging me down with her and her bad attitude was rubbing off on me. Now she is talking to me again and I know in my heart that the only reason she is talking to me again is to get whatever she can out of me. The last two times she calle dme was for a ride. And then, she invited me to a concert with her and Heather. The only two reasons that I could see that she invited me for was so that I would drive and that she was hoping that I would buy alcohol for her and Heather, who are both underage, by the way. I had agreed to go to the concert, but I backed out because I refused to be used anymore. I feel bad about backing out, but I had a good reason to.

Edit: God, I hate backstabbing bitches


Subject #3: Heather
Me and Heather used to be real goods friends. I considered my sister and one of my best friends. She told that I was her best friend. Ever since she started hangin out with Monica, her attitude has just gotten worse. The Heather I know would have never gone down to another state and gotten involved with a guy who had a girlfriend and then slept with him on top of it. And when she came back from her trip to Tennessee with Monica, all she wanted to talk about was how she slept with this guy and how he's sending her pics and stuff. I just don't know what is going on with her anymore. I feel like I've lost one of my best friends.

Subject #4: Losing my job
This hasn't really sent my life into chaos, It's just a bitch trying to find a new job. Losing my job a Shop N' Save is one of the best things that could've happened to me.

That's pretty much it as to why my life's in chaos (at lesat to me) right now. With all of this going on in my life, it just makes my head spin. Hopefully, things will work out. I feel a little bit better now that I've vented. Now I'm going to either work on my crosstitch or play GTA, I'm not sure which. Ja ne!
 
 
Current Location: My bed
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
Current Music: "My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne
 
 
nekessla
03 March 2007 @ 04:09 pm
I had surgery yesterday. My gall bladder had to be removed because it was only performing at a quarter of the capacity that it should have been. I went in the hospital Tuesday at 10:00 at night and was admitted into the hospital at 2 in the freakin morning. They ran tests all day on Wednesday. Then to top it off, the doctor came in Thursady morning and told me he was stumped. WTF!!!!!!! I was pissed. A doctor is not supposed to be stumped. Anyway, he told me that if I could hold down food that I could go home. Later that day, he called back and told me that he was wrong. I guess he had someone read the results of the tests to him and they read it to him wrong. He apologized for the inconvience about the mixup and he said that they would take out my gall bladder on Friday. Well, they took it out and I now have 4 holes in my stomach. I'm off work until they're healed. Plus, I'm in happy pain medication land for awhile, which is always nice. I'm going back to bed.
 
 
Current Mood: soresore
Current Music: "Listen" by Beyonce
 
 
nekessla
25 January 2007 @ 01:05 pm
Is it the world's intention to drive me flippin crazy? Came home Tuesday night and found a comment on my MySpace blog went I vented about my problems about a week ago It was my friend Mike. Basically, the whole thing was blasting me for venting my problems. Excuse me, it's a free country and I have a right to talk about whatever the hell I wanna talk about in my blog. All of myfriend know me wll enought to know that I need to vent somewhere or I will let everything bottle up inside and I would more than likely kill someone. And then on top of it, he basically told me that me and best friend are full of sh*t. I was mad as hell. I got so upset and stressed from it that I sat in my rooom for an hour while my friends Chris and Andrea were talking to me and calming me down from cutting my wrists with one of my knives. I know it wasn't the smartest thing to do but my mind was not working right. Then again after I come home form work it never does work right. But I'm fine now and Mike apologized but I still can't trust him again. I hate having this happen to me. People that I trusted are now hurting me even after they said woudn't do it again. Andrea told me that I should take a break from them and I think she's right. now if I could jsut get them to leave me alone. *sigh* Oh yeah, Erica, if you read this, I figured you should know: The 2-year old wants to be my friend on MySpace.
 
 
Current Mood: gloomygloomy
Current Music: She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5
 
 
nekessla
15 January 2007 @ 10:39 am
I am so pissed off that it's not even funny. Probably the only one who will know what I'm talking about is my best friend, Erica, but I have to rant. My supposed friend, Daniel, tried to act like nothing was wrong when our friend, Mike, pissed me and Erica off by being an ass. I just flat out told him to leave me alone and I'll leave him alone. I'm done with phony friends that only wanna hang out when it benefits them. I still have Dan's game. Oh well, I'll just trade it in with a few other games I don't want and buy something I'll play. I'm such a bitch. F*ck it. I should have scars from all the times I've been burned in the past couple months. I was right. Even though I told them what had been going on for awhile, nothing's changed. I was stupid and foolish to think that things would change. I should've known that it wouldn't.
 
 
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
Current Music: "Wlecom to My Life" - Simple Plan
 
 
nekessla
10 January 2007 @ 11:07 pm
Me not happy being depressed. I just finished reading The Phantom of Paris by Gwenith Vehlow and I cried beacuse the end sucked. It seems no matter what Phantom novel I read, the ending always ends up being sad and I end up crying. Grrrr... Plus, dealing with a certain idiot guy friend of mine is also driving me up the wall. I think I'll go read some fics that end the way they're supposed to. *Runs back to her hiding spot*
 
 
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
Current Music: Hurt by Christina Aguleria